


Missed Chances

by bookswithjackie



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Romance, pls don’t hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28417395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookswithjackie/pseuds/bookswithjackie
Summary: "You’ll only start to realize how much someone means to you once they’re gone."
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Comments: 23
Kudos: 45





	Missed Chances

“Lauren, _please_ , let me expl—”

“ _Shut up!_ What is there to explain?! Why the _HELL_ didn’t you tell me about this?! This was all part of your plan, wasn’t it? To ' _charm'_ me, gain my trust, and then take away everything that’s left of me?” 

Anger thrummed through her veins, hot and unstoppable. It took every ounce of strength Lauren had to not pull out her gun and shoot him right now. 

Earlier that day she had crossed paths with Belladonna Davenport during one of her patrol rotations. Interestingly enough, no one was aware of her sudden disappearance when she was pulled into a small alleyway by the assassin. 

_Confusion washed over her face and she immediately tried to pry away the grip that Bella had on her. But the words that escaped Bella’s lips made her blood run cold, eyes wide like saucers, muscles going rigid as she abruptly ceased her movements._

She had remembered those words very clearly.

_‘Did Kieran tell you about his brilliant plans to charm you so that he can get rid of your cop friends? Hmm… judging by the look on your face right now, I’m guessing that he didn’t. How unfortunate, to be deceived by the same person twice.’ Bella reached out to tuck away a strand of hair that had escaped Lauren’s bun. ‘Have you forgotten that he is the Purple Hyacinth, sweetheart? He plans to kill you afterwards as well.’_

_There were no lies._

_And before Lauren could ask what Bella’s purpose was in telling her all of this, the click-clack of heels could be heard in the distance as it faded away when the Golden Viper assassin made a turn at the end of the alleyway, disappearing like a phantom._

How could she have been so _naive_? And to think, that even for a fucking second, she was convinced that he had some shred of remorse in him. That she was able to let down her guard around him again. That she was able to _trust_ him again. 

She was a fool, to think that he was ever capable of being _human._

They were all the same; cold-hearted, ruthless, brutal murderers—too far gone to be saved by humanity. 

Kieran sighed. “It was never my intention to keep this from you. I’m just—“ _Trying to protect you._ “Taking any necessary precautions as the other half of Lune. You know what happens to those who know too much.” 

“Oh, really? Whatever happened to the 'deal' and telling each other information that could possibly affect Lune? _This involves me, doesn’t it?!”_ Lauren was having none of this. She didn’t realize how loud she was yelling until her voice echoed off of the walls of Kieran’s apartment, shrill and deafening. She became breathless, bringing a hand up to her temples to ease the throbbing headache. 

Kieran unknowingly took a step forward towards Lauren, a hand reaching out to her. “ _Lauren—“_

“ _DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME._ I don’t want your blood-tainted hands anywhere near me, you mons—“ She bit back the word, suddenly remembering what happened the last time it was said. _Damn it_. Lauren tried to steady her breath, fear and regret creeping up inside her as she met his cerulean eyes.

_Why regret?_ She didn’t know how to answer that. “Kieran, I—“

“I see.” Kieran said curtly, cutting her off, voice oddly calm and monotonous. And for some reason, that made her uneasy. She couldn’t read him. _She was never able to read him anyway._ The blues of his eyes that once gleamed with so much life were now dull, lacking its vitality. “Apologies for taking up your time. I’ll see you out. You have work tomorrow.” 

Without sparing her another glance, he walked past her and reached for the door. Lauren took it as a sign for her to leave and so she did, following him about three steps behind. 

No other words were exchanged.

Lauren came to a halt when she stepped outside. The chill breeze greeted her, slightly tousling her auburn locks and brushing over the warmth of her cheeks. _What just happened?_ She was being completely irrational and hot-headed, jeopardizing Lune’s goals and their relationship—or partnership—whatever the heck they were. She needed a moment to collect herself… and it was only then when she came to realize how tired and defeated Kieran looked. _He just accepted everything that she spat at him._

_Why?_

It’s not like Lauren gave him the chance to speak either, but who could blame her for the way that she reacted. Before she could stop herself, she quickly spun around, an apology forming at the very tip of her tongue. “I’m sor—“

_Click._ The door shut softly in her face. 

Lauren was left standing there— _alone—_ to ponder about the events that went down that evening. She may have crossed the line, but it was already too late to turn back. 

* * *

It was like any other day at the 11th Precinct—until the alarms went off and all hell broke loose. Lauren leapt out of her seat, wild eyed, face stuck in an incredulous expression. _What in the fucking hell is going on?_ Not even a second later a loud explosion shook the building, causing papers and broken glass to fly everywhere. Horrified screams filled the air as people scrambled for the emergency exit, having absolutely no clue what had just happened. 

The doors to the office sprang open as Detective Oliver March stumbled in, hastily calling out, “Is everyone okay? No one’s injured?”

The office was in disarray. Documents were scattered, glass shards, and remnants of several lightbulbs from the ceiling sprinkled the wooden desks and tiled floors. Lukas had his arms wrapped around Lila, who was still recovering from the shock. Kym stood next to Will, a hand holding on to his wrist unwittingly while the other hovered over her gun holster.

The Lieutenant stepped forward, a deep frown marring his face. “We’re fine. What happened?” 

March shook his head. “No time to explain in detail. You have to get everyone out of here as soon as possible. We’ve identified a woman with pink hair on the security cameras. She was the one who set off the explosion near the entrance and has already taken the lives of two of our officers. We have a feeling she’s associated with the Phantom Scythe. However, we unfortunately lost sight of her after the explosion, so _don’t let down your guard._ Now go!” And then he disappeared down the hall. 

Lauren knew exactly who March was talking about. _Belladonna Davenport_. _What the FUCK is she doing here? Unless_ … Her eyes widened at the sudden realization, heart thumping rapidly against her ribcage. _No, PLEASE not them. Not her friends._

Together, they scurried down the dusty halls, cautiously navigating their way through the building. Lauren’s mind wandered as they turned a corner and passed the archives. _Kieran… where is he? Is he… okay? Does he know that Bella’s here?_ She was growing restless by the second, a bad feeling bubbling up in the pit of her stomach. 

As if he’d heard her thoughts, the door to the archives swung open and out walked Kieran, looking extremely perturbed, glasses absent on his face. He briefly met Lauren’s golden eyes before shifting them away towards Will, brows furrowed. His usual charismatic and charming façade was gone—replaced by fear and mild panic. This was a new side to Kieran that his fellow coworkers hadn’t had the chance to see yet, but that was not important right now. “Lieutenant, I’ll help you guide everyone out. Let’s g—“

“And where exactly do you plan to take them, Purple Hyacinth?” 

Kieran’s heart dropped, teal blue eyes widening when Bella stepped out from the shadows behind the group, her voice dripping with honey and venom. Everyone’s heads whipped around, hands flying to their guns as they cocked it and pointed them at her, highly alert. 

Lila gasped and brought a hand up to her mouth, glancing over at Kieran in disbelief. “Purple Hyacinth? _What?_ ” Everyone else seemed to be equally shocked at the news, but said nothing because there was a _much bigger_ issue at hand. 

Lauren winced, refusing to look at Kieran—she had to focus. _He’s been exposed, damn it! Damn it all!_ The odds were never in their favor. Out of all of the times that they could have found out, it had to be now, when they’re at knife and gunpoint with one of the most dangerous assassins in the city of Ardhalis. 

“Give it up. You’re outnumbered.” Kieran’s voice rang out, cutting through the tense atmosphere. “I’m afraid knives won’t work today, Bella.”

“ _Oh really?_ Never expected anything less with that ego of yours, White. Still as cocky as ever.” A wicked grin spread across her face. “I told you what would happen if you dilly-dally.”

Lauren kept her eyes on Bella like a hawk, but then the assassin pulled out a gun—probably one that she had stolen from one of the officers she’d killed—and pointed it directly at the Sergeant, pulling the trigger. _She was planning to take out their best sharpshooter first_. 

_NO._

But Lauren couldn’t reach her in time. Her feet were glued to the floor. _Move!_

“ _HAWKES_ , _DON’T—“ Kieran?_

_BANG!_

A loud shot rang through the air. And then it was silent again. Everything happened so fast within a span of two seconds. Lauren felt numb… and her body went slack, barely enough energy to keep herself standing upright. She didn’t want to turn around, afraid of what she might see. Afraid of how she would react. _Don’t tell me Will got hit. Please don’t. Tell me that they’re both okay when I turn around._ She silently begged and prayed. 

“K-Kier—” Bella stammered, dropping the gun from her hand as bewilderment and shock washed over her face. “ _What. Did. You. Just. Do?_ ”

Lauren immediately turned around and saw that Will was holding Kym protectively in his arms. He _did_ jump in front of the bullet for her... but then why did Bella just…

“KIERAN!” A blood curdling cry came out of Lauren when her eyes landed on his figure, rushing over to catch him just in time as he fell to his knees and doubled over in pain, clutching at his bleeding chest and gasping for air. He was losing so much blood. _So much blood._ Her face paled at the horrific sight. 

The clinking of metal was heard when March swiftly came up behind Bella and handcuffed her, taking advantage of her stunned state. “You’re under arrest, Golden Viper.” 

She didn’t resist.

“W-Why…” Lauren managed, forcing down a lump in her throat. “Why did you do that?”

Kieran looked up and gave her a weak smile. “I kept my promise, didn’t I?” 

And as if a dam broke, Lauren’s tears came spilling out of her eyes, leaving hot trails down her face. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth as she bit back sobs that shook her body. _This was all her fault. Why was she crying so much? Wasn’t this what she wanted? She was so ready to end him right then and there at his apartment yesterday so why…_

Kieran lifted a shaky hand up to Lauren’s face, gently cupping her cheek as he tried to thumb away the tears. “I’m not worth your tears, Lauren…” He muttered, brows drawing closer, eyes watering at the sight of her crying. He had never seen anyone cry for him before. No one ever cared enough to, so this was a whole new feeling that he didn’t quite understand—Didn't quite grasp. _Did she care?_

Lauren tore her sleeves from her work uniform, taking the piece of fabric and pressing it firmly against his chest, desperately trying to stop the blood flow. But it soaked through within moments and she panicked. Her hands were now covered with Kieran’s blood, staining them red. 

“Y-you’ll be okay, you hear me? You’re not going to die. I won’t allow it.” It almost sounded like she was trying to assure herself. She knew that there was probably no point in trying because he got shot in a vital area, but she did anyway, pushing away the thought. 

“Lauren, listen…” Kieran whispered. His bright cerulean eyes were now dull and he felt himself starting to lose consciousness from the blood loss. He tilted her face down slightly so that she could meet his eyes, wanting to capture every moment of her in his head. 

Because he won’t be able to draw anymore... so this would do. 

“I just wanted you to know… that my brightest memories… were with you. I—“ He coughed out blood and tried to steady his labored breathing. “I genuinely care for you, Lauren. I don’t exactly remember… when it happened… but I have… started to develop feelings—“

“Stop! Don’t—“

“For you… That hurt more… than any lashings that I’ve been through. Because all I’ve done was… caused you immense pain… and I wanted to… apologize. You deserve the world… and so much more.” _You too_ , Lauren thought. Now they were both crying. Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably. Her heart was aching so much. 

“I thought about ending it all but… you made me want to _live_ … not just survive.” 

“W-why are you t-telling me all of this now, you idiot?” She whimpered. 

“Lauren… I really don’t have much longer… but you need to know that… I’ve _never_ hated you for what you said or did to me. So don’t feel any regrets when I’m gone... It wasn’t your fault, alright? Don’t be… so hard on yourself either… I chose to protect. I’ve killed my entire life… I don’t want my last memories to be of that. At least… I can die... knowing that I did one thing right…” 

Kieran chuckled softly, praying to _God_ to give him a few more moments with her. “And if… you really are that dense… what I’m trying to say is… _I love you…_ ” His hand started to slip from her face, but her warm ones immediately shot up and held it there against her cheek.

_No no no no no…_

“Kieran! No! Please! Don’t leave me!” She cried. “ _Please…” I love you, too._ But it was already too late to tell him that. His heartbeat stopped… and he was gone.

Lauren leaned her head down, touching his cold forehead with hers. She was shaking with grief, tears flowing uncontrollably as they dripped down onto Kieran’s blood-soaked shirt. A piece of her heart died that day—and it would never completely heal because Kieran took it with him. 

Lauren felt arms circling around her— _Kym—_ and Will crouching down beside her, patting her shoulders softly in comfort. 

“Oh, Lauren…” Kym muttered, a tear escaping her eye. “I’m so sorry.” 

Lauren had always been dealt with the worst hand in life. First, it was Dylan and her parents... and now… _Kieran_. But for some reason, this was so much more painful in a _different_ way. She had never loved anyone romantically before and right when she had started to, the world took him away from her. _Forever_. It wasn’t _fair._

_When did it happen? When did she start to develop feelings for him?_ She couldn’t remember.

Lauren choked on another sob when she realized that their last memories together, before today, was the argument at Kieran’s apartment. She remembered yelling hurtful things at him. She remembered the look on his face when he just stood there and took everything. She remembered when his hand faltered the moment she called him a _monster._ She remembered _everything._ And she wished she hadn’t. 

She didn’t even have the chance to tell him how she felt about him. How she appreciated everything that he had done for her. How stunned she was when he blatantly disobeyed the leader’s orders and protected Lune and her friends. How grateful she was when he broke his moral code and killed without hesitation in order to save her multiple times... and yet, she was never able do the same for him.

Lauren never got to tell him any of that.

It hadn’t completely struck her yet, but he was really never coming back. She would miss his snarky remarks, the way he laughed without any care in the world, the way his gaze sent shivers down her spine, the way he was almost always there for her whenever she was at her lowest point, the way his eyes beamed at the little things in life, struggling to hold onto whatever was left of his humanity. 

And so she thought… 

_You’ll only start to realize how much someone means to you once they’re gone._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yay my first REAL angst fic. Ok I'm gonna dip now BYEEEEE.
> 
> How are y'all feeling? <3


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